← Satire

Man realises mid rant that he’s overreacting, backtracks, and plays it cool

London, United Kingdom— Suddenly aware of the disapproving looks on his friends’ faces, 32 year old Jazz enthusiast Michael Downing realised mid rant on the pop industry that he was completely overreacting, backtracked, and played it cool. “Justin Bieber’s new music is fucking trash” Downing began “And everyone who listens to it, is like, totally entitled to their own opinion, because musical tastes are a subjective thing, you know?”

Witnesses report noticing the exact moment when Downing realised he was being kind of a dick. “His face turned from utter disgust and abject frustration into an uncomfortable half smile,” one witness noted “It was pretty obvious when he realised how haughty and condescending he was being and when he began diplomatically trying to reduce the tension in his friend group.”

Saying both that the entire pop industry is manufactured by a few 50 year old men in Sweden and that the people who listen to their music are totally justified in doing so, Downing just wants to make sure his friends will feel comfortable talking to him about music again. “I’m just really passionate about music, I think I really handled that situation poorly” Downing told reporters “Man, I hope they don’t think I’m a jerk. I kind of blew off the handle.”

Sources confirmed that Downing’s friends were aware he began backtracking to save face. At press time, they declined to comment because they'd rather talk about something else and were just glad he had finally shut the fuck up.