Hey you, uni student. Yeah, you. Are you cool? Do you club? Are you cool? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you probably club. Lucky for you, our experts have put together the definitive list of the 5 club nights you could easily give a miss but probably won’t because of peer pressure. Down that drink and let’s get going already, the cab is waiting:
1. Student Bling
Ahh, Student Bling. The hub of freshers week. The club you first threw up on yourself in. With its small, multi-purpose venue and sticky floors, this club will always have a special place in your heart. If someone were to invite you to go, you’d probably be just as happy to not go. But if your friends are going, sign you up! Don’t be that loser that never goes out!
This is the club you first go to when you want to venture outside of Student Bling. It’s pretty close to campus, and all your cool friends from freshers week are going. A year from now, you’ll look back on your nights at this club fondly, if you can remember them. You probably won’t remember your nights out here. Or a lot of the cool people you met during freshers week. Or why you actually agreed to go out in the first place.
3. Bling Blang
It may not look like much on the outside, or the inside, but good god does Bling Blang have a lit playlist. It’s banger after banger with these lads. “Every time I go to Bling Blang it’s fine, but I don’t really enjoy the music that much” said no one ever. Haha stop being boring and put your shoes on you drunk knob, let’s go already!
4. Club Ice Bling
What’s cooler than cool? Ice cold! Alright alright alright alright we get it, you say. It’s just a club that’s got ice sculptures and thermal jackets, what’s so cool about that? To you we say, are you serious? It’s a rave inside an igloo. Buy a popsicle at the bar and go eskimo kiss someone already! Don’t be such a kimmer.
Oh man, if you’re from a big city, this is the kind of clubbing experience you’ve been missing since coming to uni. With its overpriced drinks and eerie mist pouring from the ceiling, you’ll feel right at home. Actually, home sounds pretty good right now. A nice warm bed, a cup of tea, a good book. Damn. Why am I here? Oh shit! Steve just fell on his ass and passed out. Guys! We have to take him to the hospital! Guys?
We hope you found this list helpful, but we have to make sure Steve is okay, and the A&E people are here. Bye, I'll tell you what happened in lectures tomorrow!